Saturday, December 29, 2007

*** The best simple tutorial for repair & unlock iphone ***


1.-restore with itunes firmware 1.1.2
2.-now your iphone base band restored to 04_02_13_g and imei its ok ( your iphone will be restored without errors with itunes)
3.-after this put in dfu mode with ibrick9
4.-downgrade firmware to 1.1.1
5-make jailbreak & activacion
6.-add this source to your installer sources http://i.unlock.no
7.-go to system and install ( bsd subsystem )
8.-go to unlocking tools and install ( the virginaizer ) (aka virginaizer) this tool alows to downgrade base band and also repair the base band if you have 0049XXX imei
9.-after run the virginaizer restore your iphone using itunes to version 1.1.1
10.-jailbreak, activate and unlock using the tools of the mentioned source
--
Bobby Esco

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Countdown to Christmas_1

Mon. 24th December.
EARLIER: went out to get a hair cut at the same place Jay Z got his
done when he came down here during his african tour.
NOW:At the usual 24th night vigil I've been attending since i was a
seedling. Funny enough, I found myself sleeping half way through the
preaching till a sweet lady sitting next to me tapped me, but I caught
the ending and most important part though. After church I went home
and slept my boring little ass off. Woke up early, got my dress all
cleaned up and ready to hit the town. But there was no one home to
wait for pops, so I had to stay at home till 10. Thats when I went to
pick up my hommie Poku Dee so we could hit town and see what eveyone
else was up to. His lil' cousin Abass a.k.a Sexy Beast taggled along
for the ride. Hmmm! Wonder why my gmail IMAP isn't working.

--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com

Bobby Esco

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Countdown to Christmas_2

Sun. 23rd December. Church service is almost over. Another powerful sermon served by our catholic father, Father Mintah (Prince of Peace). The sermon was all about virgins and how christmas is being taken over by clubs, concerts, loud music and booze. The readings was taken from:
Reading 1: Is 7:10-14
Reading 2: Rom 1:1-7
Gospel : Mt 1:18-24
As usual Father Mintah dished out todays sermon with ultermost care, making very sure not to get out of line as this is a very delicate topic in the Ghanian community. Takin into consideration how the Moslim community cherish virgins and folks forgeting that not attending 24th-26th mass as a chatolic is a Mortal Sin. He also made is known how christmas songs are being swept out of our homes gradually and how the word Christmas refers to the mass of christ and that the season is a time of reflecting on our lives and giving out rather than buying expensive and provocative cloths. I wish I could post an audio recording of the sermon, maybe next time.

"its Esco in case u aint know so"

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Countdown to Christmas_3

Sat. 22nd December. Just left my uncles house at Manet Cottage, Spintex road. He had this small party for his family and friends and since I'm family, had to show my face. Didn'r think it was going to be fun, but it turned out pretty well. Fiifi Banson of Peace Fm showed up and was brought to our table to greet my folks and me. He had this 'hot thing' with him. How come all these tv and radio peeps are rolling with the 'hot things', well I guess that'll be another story. As usual we are stuck in traffic leaving Spintex road. Dad thinks it's 'cos the NPP deligates are now leaving Legon. I hope Nana Akuffo Addo wins though, hate the way Alan Kyeremateng is spreading money around like he's Puff Daddy. Atleast Akuffo Addo is more matured and has an iron fist, plus 'ye nim ne dada' (we already know him). We'll probably make it home by 12:30 - 1:00am. I just hope I'm able to wake up early for church. Hmmm, Whats thats sound. zel are u snoring. Is that what smiernoff ice can do to peeps. Got to sign off now. Trying my best to keep my eyes open to finnish this post. Hope u have a wonderful holiday season.

"its Esco in case u aint know so"

Tracks 20/12/07

DOWNLOAD PACK

Remember to leave a comment!

Fat Joe ft. J. Holiday - I Won't Tell [Video]

Friday, December 21, 2007

iphone Video Conversion Apps.

How to rip DVD and IFO to MP4 for iPhone
Step1. Download "Aimersoft iPhone Converter Suite", install and run it. For Windows Vista user, you may have to run this program as Administrator, right click the program shortcut and click "Run as Administrator".

Step2. Run the DVD to iPhone Converter. Load your DVD by clicking "Load DVD" button, you also can load IFO file from your hard drive by clicking "Load File" button.

Step3. Click the drop download list to select the Audio and Subtitle you want, you also can change the output location. A regular DVD movie has several titles, such as MTV DVD, by default, this software will merge all the DVD chapters into one video clips, you can check the click box before the title list to select any DVD clips you want to rip.
As format: This software supports three Apple products: iPhone, iPod and Apple TV. It can rip DVD to MP4, M4A; it also can rip audio from DVD to MP3, AAC. Just select "iPhone Video MPEG-4 (*.mp4)"

After you finish the settings, click "Start" button to start the conversion.

3. How to convert AVI, MPEG, FLV, WMV, MOV, ASF, MP4, DAT, RM, RMVB, MPG, 3GP to MP4 for iPhone
1. Click "Video to iPhone Converter" to load the Aimersoft Video to iPhone Converter . Then click "Add" button to load video files. This software supports batch conversion, so you can add several video clips at one time.

2. The operation is similar with DVD to iPhone Converter, this software can join several different video clips into one file, if you want to join video, just check the box "Merge into one file". You also can customize the resolution, video bit rate, encoder, frame rate, audio bit rate, channel, etc in the setting panel by clicking the "Settings" button. The program also lets you create a profile and save it, then you can use different settings for each video clips.

3. Click "Start" button to start the conversion after you finish the settings.

Tips:
1. This software provides rich video editing functions for you to trim, crop and edit DVD movie. Click the "Crop" button, and then you will see a pop up window (See the figure below). There is a frame in dashed line around the movie video; you can drag it to cut the black edges.
http://www.aimersoft.com/images/tuto...o-iphone-3.jpg

2. You can click the "Effect" button and customize the brightness, saturation, contrast, volume, etc . You can even apply special effects such as "Emboss", "Negative", "Old film" and "Gray" by selecting an effect from drop-down list.

3. This software can capture pictures from DVD movie, there is a small camera icon below the preview windows, click it when you preview the movie, it can save picture as JPEG and BMP.

How to rip DVD and convert video to iPhone with Cucusoft iPhone Converter Suite?
1. Download Cucusoft DVD to iPhone + iPhone Video Converter Suite, install and run it. Click "Open DVD" button to load DVD file from your DVD drive or hard drive.

2. Click on "Setting" and go to menu "Subtitle" to select the subtitle and select the audio.

3. The converter will automatically detect the main movie of your DVDs, it will popup with below window to let you make a decision, just keep the setting of "Record from movie start point" and output file size setting, the default setting is the best for good quality and compact output file size, click "Yes" to start ripping DVD to iPhone video files.

Run iPhone Video Converter and click "open file" to load videos. Then click 'Output' and choose the path where you want to save your video files. Click 'Convert' to start converting video to iPhone MP4 video.

For more iPhone converters, you can refer this iPhone Converter review:
DVD to iPhone Converter review
Wondershare(win): http://www.dvd-ripper-copy.com/iphon...ter-suite.html
Videora(win): http://www.videora.com/en-us/Converter/iPhone/
SUPER(win): http://www.erightsoft.com/SUPER.html
handbrake(mac): http://handbrake.m0k.org
Imtoo(win): http://www.imtoo.com/dvd-to-iphone-suite.html
Xilisoft(win): http://www.xilisoft.com/dvd-to-iphone-suite.html
Lenogo(win): http://www.lenogo.com/dvdtoiphoneconverter/index.htm

Trouble shooting:
To convert RM/RMVB real media files to MP4, you may have to install Real player: http://www.real.com/freeplayer

4. Where to download free video and rip CD to MP3 for iPhone
1. iTunes store: $0.99 for one song, $9.99 for one movie, $19.99 for one TV show. Just install iTunes and visit the iTunes store.

2. Limewire is fast and popular file sharing freeware working on Windows, Linux and Mac OS. Through the P2P (peer-to-peer) network, you can free download various files by its category or keyword searching.

3. Other stream video website such as video.yahoo, Myspace, etc. here is a list of free stream video website
here is a guide to show you how to download stream video with vixy.net :, KeepVid: and Firefox.
step by step guide
the download stream video is flv file, if the free online flv converter couldn't deal with it, you can use try SUPER or Aimersoft iPhone Video Converter, and they can convert flv video to any format you want.

4. Rip your own CD to MP3 for iPhone; iTunes can help you to do that. Install and run iTunes, click "Edit -> Preference -> Advanced -> importing tab" to change the "Import Using" to MP3 Encoder, you can also customize the audio bit rate here. Then click OK and put your CD into your disc drive, iTunes will automatically recognize that you've loaded a CD. Now you can either choose individual songs for import by checking only the tracks you want and un-checking all the rest (all songs are selected for import by default). Simply click the Import button on the upper right corner of iTunes and let the software do the job. All of the selected files will be encoded into MP3 digital music files and saved in your iTunes music directory by Artist and Album. (If you're not sure where to locate your files, you can find out by going back to the "Edit -> Preferences -> Advanced tab". Here you can see the default iTunes Music folder location,
http://www.aimersoft.com/images/tutorial/cd-to-mp3.jpg

Transfer music and video to iPhone
You need iTunes version 7.30 or later to sync music and video to iPhone.
If you don't have iTunes yet, you can download free from here.
http://www.apple.com/itunes/download/
If you already have iTunes, just create a play list; drag your music and video to the list (set your iTunes to "manually manage music and video"), connect your iPhone to computer via USB cable, then click iTunes "File -> Sync iPhone", Done.

--
Courtesy http://forum.gsmhosting.com
Bobby Esco

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Artist of The Month


This is yet another new topic I'm starting in this blog about new talents I've discovered in the past month. I'll then be giving out a brief "wiki" about these artist and where to get their sounds to download.

Over the years I've come across foreign talented young artist like MILA J. (signed on Marques Houston's Label). She had some hit tracks like: "No More Complaining" and "Good Looking Out" She also collaborated on some of Marques Houston's hit songs on his last album,

READ MORE!
Also I came across this Lebanese looking talent by the name MASSARI. He has hit songs like "Real Love and Rush to The Floor" under his belt. READ MORE!

In the previous months I've really come to like songs from this RnB artist called BOBBY TINSLEY. He's got some pretty cool tracks like "What About"

This Month I decided to put the spot light on a young Chinese artist by the name STEVIE HOANG. He's got some super hit track like "No Games", "Before You Go" and my favorite "One Night Only". Here is his Independent Album titled " This Is Me"
You can listen to songs from these artist from my singles collection or my media player. You can also just simply Google 'em. Don't forget to add mediafire to the Google search in order to get the results with mediafire as the download site.

--
Bobby Esco

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Did You Know That...

I decided to include this column in my blog called "Did you know that...". I picked this idea from my local fm radio station(Atlantis 87.9).

Did you know that an apple iphone is a 2.5G phone?, apple decided to release a 2.5G phone because 3G phones are noted to drain batteries quicker.

Did you know that the jackson 5 are planning on a comeback tour, guess '08 is the comeback year for our falling music soldiers. Go SPICEPOWER!

Did you know that budweiser beer was named after a Czech town (budweis)

Did you know that the fisrt credit card was issued in1951

Did you know that Indonesia has 365 different languages

Did you know that about half the worlds porpulation has seen atleast one 007 movie

Did you know that cows dont have upper front teeth

Did you know that the Emmy award was first called Immy

"its Esco in case u aint know so"

Sunday, December 16, 2007

apple iphone and htc touch

I for some reason managed to get these two phone on my desk today. Will let u know how they stack up l8r. So do stay tuned.
I can't wait for a phone that can kick the iphone's butt.

HTC Touch Unlocked

Hi guys. I just managed to unlock an Htc Touch Smartphone. I'm begining to like this whole unlocking business. Check this phone out @ www.htctouch.com.
The phone is so cool. Works on windows mobile 6. Just check it out, you'll love it.
Holla

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Stuff I Used for The Unlocking


These are all the stuff i used for the unlocking process:

  1. An apple iPhone with connecting cable
  2. My moms laptop connected to AC power
  3. My uncles wireless broadband internet connection and
  4. Patience
Right now I'm just waiting for my certification from iphoneDevTeam and my pass to be an astound iphone hack member

Monday, December 10, 2007

iPhone 1.1.2 Upgrade Finally Unlocked

9th Dec, 2007. Guess Christmas came early for . . . this year. HURRAY!! I have finally been able to unlock my friends iphone which he accidentally upgraded to firmware 1.1.2. Took a hell of time, but i finally did it. I nearly gave up when the putty command lines didnt give me the required end results. I had to finally use AnySIM1.2U to finish it off. iPhone ain't that bad after all. I Think Imma get one myself and sell it when Nokia releases their touchphone, sorry Apple.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

AutoCan 2008

My homeboy Curtis decide to sell his pimped out Infiniti G35 2005 Model in Ghana during the African Cup of Nations. Being a good friend and a crazy Blogger, I decided to give him a hand by posting it on my Blog.

  • Manual Transmission
  • Custom candy dripping paint
  • Custom rims with candy coated paint to match the car
  • Lamborghini doors
  • Custom front grill
  • Racing brakes combo (Brembo Edition)
  • Racing pedals and suspension guaranteed to enable you bend corners at 100mph
  • Racing chip and turbo valves
  • Custom dash board equipped with:

o 50GB hard drive(30GB for your media files and 20GB for navigation)

o DVD player, touch screen monitor, memory stick pro slot and ipod slot

o Sony PS2 or 3(which ever you prefer)

o 110V socket outlet(so you can hook up your PS2 or 3 in the car)

  • State of the art sound system
Check out the pictures below. Price range $...

video

Birdman - 5 Star Stunna (Explicit Retail)



Track Listings

1. INTRO
2. FULLY LOADED
3. I RUN THIS feat. Lil Wayne
4. THE MONEY
5. INTERLUDE -- "THE OLD MAN" #1
6. 100 MILLION - feat. Lil Wayne, Young Jeezy, Rick Ross
7. BELIEVE DAT feat Lil Wayne
8. DO THE THANG
9. GRIND feat. Lil Wayne & Brisco
10. BIG MONEY TALK
11. INTERLUDE -- "THE OLD MAN" #2
12. HEAD BUSTA
13. POP BOTTLES feat. Lil Wayne
14. I'M A STUNNA
15. LOVE MY HOOD
16. INTERLUDE -- "THE OLD MAN" #3
17. MAKE WAY feat. Fat Joe & Lil Wayne
18. SO TIRED feat. Lil Wayne
19. OUTRO
20. WE GANGSTA feat. All Star & Gotti (BONUS TRACK)
21. BOSSY (BONUS TRACK)
22. WET PAINT (BONUS TRACK)

DOWNLOAD 1

DOWNLOAD 2

Rick Ross Feat R. Kelly - Speedin'

Bow Wow & Omarion - Face Off



01. Face Off (Produced By Nitti)
02. Hood Star (Produced By Scott Storch)
03. Girlfriend
04. Hey Baby (Jump Off) (Produced By Rick Rubin)
05. He Ain't Gotta Know (Produced By T-Pain)
06. Bachelor Pad (Produced By Timbaland)
07. Listen (Produced By Lil Ronnie)
08. Can't Get Tired Of Me (Produced By The Underdogs)
09. Number Ones (Produced By Sean Garrett)
10. Baby Girl (Produced By The Neptunes)
11. Take Off Your Clothes (Produced By Eric Hudson)
12. Another Girl (Produced By Jim Jonsin)


Dwonload 1 [RapidShare]

Download 2 [SendSpace]

Dowonload 3 [MediaFire]

Download 4 [Zshare]

Download 5 [MegaUpload]

Support these Black Artists, Buy This Album from here

Famous Las Pa Mas Chop Bar

8th December, I just passed by one of the numorous las pa mas chop bars in Accra. This is the Abeka - LaPaz Branch. I haven't been in but I hear they serve some of the best local dishes this side of the Akosombo Dam, sorry Dela. I'm posting this on my way to work. I'm late and still posting this, guess I just love my blog. Holla!

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Optimus iPhone

had to post this. check out some apple phones people want to be made.










These Phones are really cool don't you think. But they look Almost too futuristic. Not bad designs huh. Does kinda flow with the Apple product design lines. Nice rendering. Check out the rest.

Setting Up or Mainting Your Favourite Computer Part1


I just decided to post this for my home_boy Ced. He got himself a new laptop and was wondering what kind of programs he should install on it to be able to safely and conveniently use it till his next upgrade.

Antivirus, Firewall, & Spyware

  • Will the first thing you should probably have done was to get yourself an antivirus before even going online. Previously, i've been affected by a virus whilst looking for an antivirus to use online. It wasn't pretty at all. I had to re-format my computer and install a fresh copy of windows on it. If you'll be doing alot of surfing and visiting all these crazy sites and don't have alot of ram in your computer, i suggest you get Kaspersky AntiVirus preferrably the internet security edition. On the other hand if you have more ram want an antivirus you don't have to be a computer 'geek' to be able to crack it, you can go for the Norton AntiVirus 2008 , McAfee VirusScan Plus with SiteAdvisor 2008, the "panda's" and Avast Home Edition
You can also check out these online Antivirus checks:
http://security.symantec.com/default.asp?
http://housecall.trendmicro.com/
http://www.pandasoftware.com/activescan/
http://www.ravantivirus.com/scan/
http://www.anti-trojan.net/en/onlinecheck.aspx
  • The second thing to install after the antivirus is a spyware/adware monitor or remover like Ad-Aware SE Personal Edition, These help prevent all these wares (adware, malware, spyware etc.) that affect your computer from these untrusted sites. You can also get spyware doctor from google. try 'googling' it. An antivirus can't combat these.
For the crack or serial to these programs check out this site here

Read More

LOOK OUT FOR PART2 (Media Players)

Time Names iPhone Invention of the Year, Greg Packer Man of the Year


Time Magazine has named iPhone “Invention of the Year”, a title shared with… well I don’t recall Time ever bestowing that award on any product, but this is after all the same publication that once named Adolf Hitler Man of the year, and me (or rather everyone) Person of the year.

Invention of the year is an overstated understatement. Any product that has educated adults behaving like pre-teens camped outside retails stores for days on end, and turns slobs into celebrities, is an achievement unrivaled by any other medium. Invention of the Century would be more fitting.

Read

But guess what? I'm still not going to get myself one. Wanna know why?

1. My friends iPhone got re-locked for good today as he tried to upgrade the firmware which he shouldn't have. Guess he wasn't really a good student back in school.

I wouldn't want to pay alot of money for a phone, go through all the hustle to hack it and have someone just connect it to itunes and upgrade it just to *f* my phone up. Nope, i definitely wouldn't want that. Neither would you right?

2. I wouldn't want a call coming in through my mp3 as i am cruising on I-95 blazing

Illmatic
Illmatic by Nas and have a call come through just to pause my music. Esp. a call from one of my Ex.

I'ld rather get a nokia E61i as i have right now or ... and an iPod touch or something, but definitely not both in one.

More reasons coming later

*Had to post this for my friend ... You know who you are. Sorry man, hope we can get it back.*

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Singles 30/11/07

Couldn't really find any REALLY good tracks, thats really why I didn't post nothing for a while. I don't wanna be like other blogs where they post everyday but most of its a load of crap tracks just to fill tracks for that day (and you know thats true!), I wanna only post if I actually got some good tracks.
Make sure you check out Marck Angles single "Game", also remember to vote on the poll.
Also check out my upcoming album section and latest album download section.
Don't forget you are always welcome to request stuff and i'll surely have them up in the shortest possible time.
Feel free to hit the shout-out box on the lower right corner of the blog.

DOWNLOAD PACK [Part 1 A-M]
DOWNLOAD PACK [Part 2 N-Y]
Could have had this as one pack but it was just over 100mb. (it was 102mb, yes i did try compressing it)

Singles 26/11/07

Sorry for not posting tracks for a couple of days, been really busy with Project and work.

DOWNLOAD PACK

Beanie Sigel - The Solution

Tracklist:
1. All The Above (ft. R. Kelly)
2. Bout That
3. You Ain't Ready For Me (ft. Styles P)
4. Go Low (ft. Rock City)
5. Gutted (ft. Jay-Z)
6. Pass The Patron (ft. Diddy, Ghostface Killah & Peedi Crakk)
7. I'm In
8. Hustlas
9. What They Gon Say To Me
10. Judgment Day (ft. Ozzy Osbourne)
11. The Bridge (ft. Scarface & Raheem DeVaughn)
12. Dear Self (ft. James Blunt)
13. Prayer (ft. Raheem DeVaughn)
DOWNLOAD
(support this artist, buy the cd here)

Download 1 [SendSpace] *New Link!*

DJ Drama - Gangsta Grillz



Tracklist:
1. The Setup
2. Gangsta Grillz ft. Lil' Jon
3. Takin' Pictures ft. Young Jeezy, Willie The Kid, Jim Jones, Rick Ross, Young Buck & T.I.
4. Keep It Gangsta ft. Yo Gotti, Webbie & Lil' Boosie
5. Cannon Remix ft. Lil' Wayne, Willie The Kid, Freeway & T.I.
6. Makin' Money Smokin' ft. Willie The Kid & LA The Darkman
7. 5000 Ones ft. Nelly, T.I., Diddy, Yung Joc, Willie The Kid, Young Jeezy & Twista
8. The Art Of Story Tellin' Pt. 4 ft. Outkast & Marsha Ambrosius
9. Katt Williams Interlude
10. 187 ft. Project Pat, B.G., Eightball & MJG
11. The Mad Dj
12. Beneath The Diamonds ft. Devin The Dude, Twista, LA The Darkman & M. Potter
13. Talk Bout Me ft. Young Buck, Lloyd Banks & Tony Yayo
14. No More ft. Lloyd, Willie The Kid & T.I.
15. Diddy Interlude
16. Throw Ya Sets Up ft. Yung Joc, Willie The Kid, Jadakiss & LA The Darkman
17. Aye ft. Young Dro & Big Kuntry
18. Grillz Gleaming ft. Lil' Scrappy, Bohagon, Diamond & Princess (of Crime Mobb)
19. Gettin Money ft. Paul Wall, Killa Kyleon, Lil' Keke & Slim Thug
20. Outtro
21. Cheers ft. Pharrell & The Clipse

DOWNLOAD
(support this artist, buy the cd here)

Download 1 [SendSpace]new link

Download 2 [Uploaded]new link

Grilled Platain Special

26th November 2007؛‎ It's lunch time and i've just stopped by to get some grilled plantain, locally known as "kokoo a ya tuto". The lady who prepares this has her kiosk situated right outside my office block. The trip to her kiosk helps me take my walk for the day and a break from the office work. It is better served with roasted groundnut. Hope u get to try some when u come around for a visit.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Corpus Christi

This is what i've been doing earlier on today sunday, 25th november 2007. Had a corpus christi celebration at my church. Was really great.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Wyclef Jean - Carnival Vol II Memoirs Of An Immigrant

01. Intro
02. Riot (Feat. Serj Tankian And Sizzla)
03. Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill) (Feat. Akon, Lil Wayne And Niia)
04. Welcome To The East (Feat. Sizzla)
05. Slow Down (Feat. T.I.)
06. King & Queen (Feat. Shakira)
07. Fast Car (Feat. Paul Simon)
08. What About The Baby (Feat. Mary J. Blige)
09. Hollywood Meets Bollywood (Feat. Chamillionaire)
10. Any Other Day (Feat. Norah Jones)
11. Heaven's In New York
12. Selena (Feat. Melissa Jimenez)
13. Touch Your Button Carnival Jam (Feat. Will.I.Am, Melissa Jimenez, Machel Montana, Daniela Mercury, Black Alex & Djakout Mizik)
14. Outro
15. On Tour (Feat. Lucina) (Bonus Track)
16. China Wine (Feat. Sun, Elephant Man And Tony Matterhorn) (Bonus Track)

Download 1 [MediaFire]
Download 3 [SendSpace]

Just Got Myself a New Nokia E61i


been wanting to get my hands on this. traded my E50 cos this had a bigger screen, wi-fi and a better camera.
just realized that it pretty much has the same functions as my old E50. same apps, same memory, same games etc.

Pros: wider screen for my videos, better keyboard for typing mails if i'm able to get used to it, better battery life, Speaker is louder (+++)

Cons:bulky, a lil flashy.

Well i hope i LOVE it!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Monday, November 12, 2007

truck i saw infront of my office

Saw this bodyless truck when i stepped out for launch last week.
Posted by bobby esco

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Joke of the Day (Clinically proven to elicit at least one smirk daily)

I'd Rather Have a Puppy

A little boy and his father are walking down the street, and they see two dogs having sex.

The little boy asks his father, "Daddy, what are they doing?"

The father says, "Making a puppy." So they walk on and go home.

A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, "Daddy, what are you doing?"

The father replies, "Making a baby."

The little boy says, "Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy."


Smart Pills

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, ''What is that?''

''They're smart pills,'' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll make you smarter.

So he ate them and said, ''These taste like sh*t.''

''See,'' said the other boy, ''you're getting smarter already.''

Perfect Man, Perfect Woman

There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children.

One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in there perfect car, they saw an elf by the side of the road, being the perfect people they were they picked him up.

Well as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with the elf, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and one lived.

Who died and who lived?

The perfect woman, because the perfect man and elves aren't real.

Vedil worshipper

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

With a "Y"

Q: How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: That's "womyn" with a Y, and it's not funny!

In a murder trial...

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?

Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

Blonde Jokes...Or Are They?

How many blonde jokes are there?

None, they're all true!

Baseball Heaven?

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"

Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol..."

Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.

Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."

Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

Senate Slander

A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session.

After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. "OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

Man's Best Friend

Two guys are watching a dog lick its balls and one says "Man, I wish I could do that." The other guy says, "Really? I think I'd just pet him first."

Hamburger Restaurant

A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in an upscale hamburger establishment. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress is cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red.

"Are you the owner?" she asks, now softly stroking his face with both hands.

"No" he replies, "I'm just the manager."

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she asks, running her hands up beyond his ears and into his hair.

"I''m afraid I can't," breathes the manager clearly aroused. "He's in the back doing taxes right now. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message."

She continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"Tell him" she says "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."

Halloween Party

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice girl he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife moved on up to him and being a rather seductive woman herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little romp.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had.

He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"

The Blonde and Her Melons

This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.

The guy asks, ''What are you carrying?''

''Melons,'' the blonde replies.

''Cool," the guy says. "If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?''

The blonde giggles and says, ''If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them.''

Twist Again...

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. At the front door Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in.

'Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' he says.

'That''s cool.' says Bobby.

Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.

Peggy Sue's father responds, 'Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.'

Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says, 'Whaaaat?'

'Yeah,' says Peggy Sue''s father, 'Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!'

Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear as he mentally revises the night's plans. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, 'Have a good evening, kids!'

About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: 'Dammit, Daddy! The twist! It's called the twist!!'

If You Could!

An affluent couple gets into an argument over dinner.

"If you could cook," said the husband, "we could fire the chef."

"If you could screw," replied the wife, "we could fire the driver."

Confessions Of Sodom

One Sunday, a priest asked one of the church janitor if he would cover his Confession shift for him -- he said it was easy, since he had a sin list inside the booth which listed both sins and penance. The janitor agreed and took the booth early on Sunday morning. Soon people showed up.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed adultery."

"Adultery, eh?" the janitor said. "You sly devil. That'll be three Hail Mary's, plus five bucks."

"Thank you, Father." Another person came into the booth.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have embezzled money from work."
"Embezzlement, eh? Naughty, naughty. That'll be 5 Hail Mary's, plus fourteen bucks."
"Thank you, Father." This was easy, the janitor thought. Another person came into the booth.
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed the sin of oral sex."
"Oral sex, huh?" He looked at the list, but didn't see butt-sex there. So, he excused himelf to look for help. He found an alter boy hanging out on the steps of the church.
"Excuse me," the janitor said. "What does Father Matthew give for oral sex?"
"Well," said the boy, "usually just milk and cookies, but sometimes a Snickers."

POOF

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.''

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess.''

*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.

''Your third wish?'' asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. ''Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?'' she asks.

*** POOF ***

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, ''Bet you're sorry you had me neutered.''

Huge Pause

A bear walks into a bar and says, "I want a bourbon and............... coke"

The bartender asks "what's with the huge pause?"

The bear says, "I've had them all my life."

Post-Drinking Dry Cleaning

"Bartender, gimme 'nother drink, says a very drunk man.

"Sorry sir," replies the bartender. "I have to cut you off."

"Just gimme another drink."

"O.K. I''ll make a deal with you. I''ll give you another drink and call you a cab. When the cab comes, regardless of whether you''re done or not you have to go."

"Thass a good deal," the drunk says. He gets his drink and immediately pukes all over his own shirt. "Oh shit, what am I gonna do now? My wife's gonna kill me."

"Relax," the bartender says, "give me a five-dollar bill." The bartender folds up the bill and puts it in the guy''s shirt pocket. "When you get home, tell your wife you were in the bar and some drunk puked on you and gave you five bucks to have your shirt cleaned."

"Thass a great idea!"

When the drunk gets home his wife answers the door. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? LOOK AT YOUR SHIRT! WHAT HAPPENED?"

He tried to put on his most sober voice and said, "Relaaaax honey, some drunk guy puked on me and gave me five bucks to have my shirt cleaned."

The drunk's wife reaches in his pocket, grabs the money, and says, "THERE'S TEN BUCKS HERE!"

"Oh yeah, he sh*t in my pants, too."

Moms and Their Snooping

Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.

The first declares: "I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter''s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn't even know that she smoked!"

"It gets worse than that," says the second mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn't even know that she drank!"

"Oh, it gets even worse than that," says the third mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and you''ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn't even know that she had a penis!"

An Old Fart

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems okay but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.

Again, she seems okay but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.

Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

The Same Thought

Two men are on opposite sides of the earth. One is walking a tightrope. The other is getting a blowjob by a 90-year-old woman.

Both get the exact same thought at the exact same time.

"Don't look down."